Opinion

Commentary: Good men are getting harder to find

Census numbers confirm what many of you already suspect.

Men are basically obsolete.

There's fewer men to go around these days in the Carolinas, and the ones still in circulation are keenly aware that market forces aren't driving up their value.

Once upon a time, men were a big deal.

Men fought the great wars, tamed the West and invented the I-formation. If it weren't for men, we'd still be speaking British, shooing buffalo out of the garden and spending autumn Sundays yawning at the opera.

Now, only geezers remember the heyday of X-Y chromosome.

Today, there are two women holding their own on "Ice Road Truckers," a ton of females you must address as "general" or "admiral" and an entire medical specialty dedicated to getting you pregnant without anybody offering to buy you a drink.

Female governors are found everywhere in the Carolinas, and it can be reliably said they're doing no worse than their male predecessors. Women excel in every corner of business and industry. Some people even claim to have watched them playing soccer on television.

Experts speculate one reason men are getting scarce is because they tend to die earlier from violence, French fries and scenarios that begin, "Dude! Watch this!"

Other scholars think the man drain may be due to evolutionary social factors.

Many men are difficult to domesticate, can be expensive over time and have no real purpose in the modern environment beyond rotating tires and dealing with home plumbing emergencies.

While many women like to keep a man around for companionship purposes, a rising number are finding them remarkably disposable.

Others are postponing commitment until they locate a "good man," meaning one willing to sit and discuss the treacheries of the male species after watching "Gray's Anatomy."

As the saying goes, they're hard to find. And getting rarer.

You probably recall the big fuss when it was learned that the Carolina Gopher Frog (rana capito) might be hopping toward extinction. But no one seems to be much concerned about the decline in the species called Carolina Men (piedmontis grumpus).

If you happen to see a man today, feel free to give him a hug.

Tell him you appreciate his ancestors bringing home small mammals for dinner all those years, and tell him not to worry because there will always be a place for him.

Always, that is, until indoor plumbing is absolutely perfected.

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