Time to choose | McClatchy Washington Bureau

INT. STARBUCKS - DAY

Big Starbucks with tables and leather chairs.

Five people are meeting in the back: three from Channel 8, two from Channel 79, the public access channel 8 subsidizes.

From Channel 8: Brad Franklin Station Manager; Mike Thompson, Program Director; and Jane Lee, Sales Director

From Channel 79: Lu O'Neil, Manager; Spud, Alternative Programming.

BRAD

(to Lu)You're back to being 79's Manager?

LU

Yeah, I'm expecting to need health insurance any day now.

JANE

You OK?

LU

I said I'm expecting to need health insurance any day now.

JANE

OK... so how long have you needed it?

LU

Ever since the strip I peed on turned blue and I started throwing up every morning.

BRAD

Ahhh....

LU

Yeah, ahhh...

BRAD

Sooo, how about we get on to the meeting. Where's "don't start anything without Ace Reporter Terry Duncan?"

JANE

Said he'd be late -- something about Super something -- Tuesday?

MIKE

Oh, that'd be a first -- Terry covering something that doesn't require a ball.

BRAD

OK -- let's get to it, he can catch up. So what's up first?

LU

We've been watching Letterman --

MIKE

Just recently or for the last ten years?

LU

-- And he's doing more politics -- more guests, more on the monologue and then there's the Top Ten List.

BRAD

Yeah -- that's kinda what he does for his $20 million.

LU

Well, we want to do it too -- at 79 -- but just the Top Ten.

MIKE

Oh, good. So he's only gonna sue us over the Top Ten - not poaching his guests from New York or stealing his monologue?

SPUD

Bulls eye, dude -- because we thought it out. We're not doing the Top Ten.

BRAD

Then what are we doing?

SPUD

e're not, like, stupid, or something. We're doing the Top Eleven --

JANE

-- and I thought for just a moment there was some hope of selling into it.

SPUD

Sell what?

BRAD

So, you got it with you?

SPUD

Got What?

BRAD

Got milk, for Christ sake. The Top Eleven whatever the hell it is!

SPUD

Whoa, decaf, dude - decaf. (looks at the paper) OK. Herrree we go: Eleven Reasons People are Diving Out of the Democratic Presidential Campaign.

Lu hands everyone a sheet of paper.

LU

We typed 'em up for you.

Everyone looks at the paper as Spud reads them aloud.

INSERT LIST

Top Eleven Reasons People are Diving Out of the Democratic Presidential Campaign

• 11. We need eleven so Letterman doesn't sue our ass.
• 10. Never heard back from Sean Young on her speaking tour for us.
• 9. Without Mike Gravel there's no one to make fun of.
• 8. Can't handle the ambush interviews from Katie Couric anymore.
• 7. Still can't tell Iran from Iraq on a map.
• 6. Just don't have time for this and the re-fi, too.
• 5. Two words: "Hillary Clinton".
• 4. Can't get a hotel room at the convention.
• 3. Watched the end of "The Candidate" and it scared the hell out of me.
• 2. Took the Giants and 12 with the rest of the campaign funds.
• 1. Oh mamma, it's O'Bama!

SPUD

Whaddya think?

BRAD

There's eleven. And it rhymes.

SPUD

Totally, dude - we nailed it!

BRAD

Yeah, so -- speaking of candidates dropping out, where we gonna take it?

MIKE

I think we go straight up reporting, don't spend a lot of time analyzing it because in another week or two, half the country isn't even going to remember their names.

JANE

I always hate to agree with my ex-husband, but I agree with Mike. I can't sell into yesterday's candidates. Gimme some hope to sell, some horizons, some success.

MIKE

Yeah, right now they're dropping like flying toasters. Thompson's out, Giuliani's out, Edwards is out --

SPUD

Wasn't he the dude that said he was staying in until like, the last dog was hung.

LU

That was Michael Vick.

SPUD

Oh, yeah...

JANE

You know, I kinda liked Edwards' message but in the back of my head I kept thinking, "Go home and be with your wife while you still can. This isn't your moment -- you're the wrong sex and the wrong color.

The group erupts with "Ooooo", "Whooooa, and "Owwww".

MIKE

Yeah, now that's too bad.

JANE

See -- even my ex agrees with me.

MIKE

No, actually I was thinking about going to lunch with you after the meeting, but not if I'm going to get the hell beat out of me both the NAACP and NOW.

LU

Well, he WAS the only adult at the last Democratic debate. That was so third grade, "Teacher! Teacher! Look at me!" Then they're like "He's looking at me!" "Am not!" "Are too!" "Am not!" "Are too!" That wasn't enough so they went, "She pushed me!""Did not!""Did too!""Did not!""Did too!"Makes me proud to be an American knowing our leaders can kick butt at recess.

BRAD

Yeah, but even if you're the only adult in the room, if you can't take your own home state, you just ain't gonna win -- ask Al Gore. (looks around)So what do think of the new Republican front-runner?

SPUD

You mean like, what's he gonna do in Arizona?

MIKE

What's he gonna do? He's gonna beat 'em like a Taiko drum. Look, Giuliani will be the first candidate ever to lead on Labor Day and not even make the convention, so all he's got left is to endorse McCain and then try to figure out what else he can take credit for.

LU

That's kinda harsh.

MIKE

Well, how about this oner, then: with McCain's comeback, Romney's best chance is a sudden endorsement from the HGA. Now Obama, on the other hand --

LU

Holster up there, cowboy -- what the hell's the HGA?

MIKE

Hairdressers Guild of America?

LU

That's cold. Stone cold.

MIKE

Yeah, but not bad for improv, right?

BRAD

The newsman in me says not to print that.

MIKE

Fortunately you don't own a newspaper. And speaking of which, Obama's looking --

LU

What's Obama got to do with newspapers?

SPUD

Well, he's in them all the time. Hello?

JANE

Did anyone bring donuts?

MIKE

Obama is looking more and more like a giant killer.

BRAD

I dunno. This race is turning into a vision vs. executive thing. What do you want, someone who has the leadership vision to inspire somone or someone who has the executive skills to execute?

LU

Why can't we have both?

BRAD

Because this isn't an After School Special. And no matter who tells you differently the fact is that visionaries are not good managers and managers have no vision.

JANE

So you don't think they can be complementary? Like bacon and eggs.

MIKE

More like pie and chile.

LU

Pie and chile?

MIKE

Yeah, too much pie and you throw up. Too much chile and you shi--

BRAD

We get the metaphor.

LU

So what you're saying is we have to choose?

MIKE

Pie or chile. Order up!

LU

Well, I don't agree. I think they're ALL giants in their parties - McCain, Obama, Clinton - and they're ALL patriots to the country. We should be able to have the best leadership available, not just one skill-set.

BRAD

All that may be true, but in the real world it boils down to vision or management. Doesn't matter if they're giants or patriots.

Terry Duncan shows up.

TERRY

Sorry I'm late -- we decide who's gonna win?

JANE

The only thing we've decided is that there's going to be an ass whooping in Arizona.

TERRY

That ain't exactly a news bulletin, you know. (a beat)So, if we all agree, we gonna put some money where our mouths are?

SPUD

I'm out.

TERRY

You don't have any money?

SPUD

Yeah that. Plus which, I don't get what you're talking about.

LU

You think we should call Vinne?

TERRY

Screw Vinnie. We don't need him for an office pool.

BRAD

Assuming Mike is right about Romney, how do you make a pool with three-and-half candidates?

TERRY

What is this, Three and Half Men?

MIKE

Well, there's Obama, Clinton, McCain and Romney in the cheap seats. Three-and-half.

TERRY

What the hell are you talking about?

BRAD

Super Tuesday? THE most important votes cast in the primary?

TERRY

Are you high? No one cares about Super Tuesday until Monday. I'm talking about Super Sunday -- the Superbowl, the REAL SuperBowl! (looks around) Now, who ya betting on: the Giants or the Patriots?

LU

(sighs)I was kinda hoping for both.