Elections

Lindsey Graham for president? Or standup comic?

Lindsey Graham appears during the CNBC Republican presidential debate at the University of Colorado, Wednesday, Oct. 28, 2015, in Boulder, Colo.
Lindsey Graham appears during the CNBC Republican presidential debate at the University of Colorado, Wednesday, Oct. 28, 2015, in Boulder, Colo. AP

Lindsey Graham may think the undercard debate “sucks.” But he stole the show in that preliminary debate Wednesday night in Boulder, Colo., with a series of zingers and self-deprecating one-liners.

 

Here are the top seven.

1) “How about a round of applause for Boulder, Colorado. This is a beautiful place. Looking at their academic standards, the only way I could have gotten into this university is to be invited to this debate tonight.”

2) “Here’s the problem. We’ve being walked all over because the commander in chief is weak in the eyes of our enemies. Do you think Putin would be in the Ukraine today if Ronald Reagan were president? Why are the Chinese stealing our intellectual property, hacking into our system? Why are they building islands over resource-rich waters? Because they can get away with it. . . . Make me commander in chief and this crap stops.”

3) On climate change: “I’m not a scientist, and I’ve got the grades to prove it.”

4) On immigration: “We will deport felons. And those who stay will have to learn our language to stay. . . . I don’t speak it well but look how far I’ve come.”

5) On the Democratic candidates: “Good God, look who we’re running against. The number one candidate on the other side thought she was flat broke after her and her husband were in the White House for eight years. The number two guy went to the Soviet Union on his honeymoon and I don’t think he ever came back.”

6) “The only reason I have an iPhone is because I gave my number to Donald Trump. Don’t do that. Donald has done more to upgrade my technology than my whole staff.”

7) “If you’re looking for good beer policy, I’m your best bet. My dad owned a bar. I know beer.”

Vera Bergengruen: 202-383-6036, @verambergen

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