Elections

The 10 best jokes from Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton at the Al Smith Dinner

By Greg Hadley

ghadley@mcclatchy.com

At the 71st Annual Alfred E. Smith Dinner in New York on Thursday, presidential candidates Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton traded barbs and jokes in a campaign tradition. Here are the 10 best jokes between the two.

10. “I took a break from my rigorous nap schedule to be here.” — Hillary Clinton, a reference to Trump’s criticism of her absence from the campaign trail in the lead-up to Wednesday’s debate.

9. “It’s amazing that I’m up here after Donald. I didn’t think he’d be OK with a peaceful transition of power.” — Hillary Clinton, jabbing Trump for his declaration during the debate Wednesday that he would not commit to accepting the results of the election.

8. “The Cardinal and I, we both have impressive buildings on Fifth Avenue. His is much more impressive than mine. I built mine with my own beautifully formed hands, while his was built with the hands of God. And nobody can compete with God.” — Donald Trump, referring to both St. Patrick’s Cathedral and his own Trump Tower, as well as an earlier controversy over the size of his hands.

7. “I’m flattered Donald thought I used performance-enhancing drugs. Actually I did. It’s called preparation.” — Hillary Clinton, in reference to Trump’s assertion that she was on some sort of performance-enhancing drug during the second debate and that the candidates should undergo a drug test prior to the third debate, as well as stories that Trump’s debate preparation was lacking.

6. “Just before taking the dais, Hillary accidently bumped into me and she very civilly said, “Pardon me.” And I very politely replied, “Let me talk to you about that after I get into office.” — Donald Trump, calling back to his comment in the second debate that he would ask the attorney general to appoint a special prosecutor to investigate Clinton’s email scandal if he was elected.

5. “Donald looks at the Statue of Liberty and sees a four. Maybe a five if she loses the torch and tablet and changes her hair.” — Hillary Clinton, mocking Trump for his propensity for rating women based on their looks in the past.

4. “And Hillary was very gracious. She said if she somehow gets elected, she wants me to be, without question, her ambassador to either Iraq or to Afghanistan. It’s my choice.” — Donald Trump, taking a dig at Clinton’s foreign policy chops and his own claim that he will defeat ISIS.

3. “This is going to get me in trouble. Not with Hillary. The president told me to stop whining, but I have to say the media is even more biased this year than ever before, ever. You want the proof: Michelle Obama gives a speech and everyone loves it. They say she’s absolutely great. My wife Melania gives the exact same speech, and people get on her case and I don’t get it. I don’t know why.” — Donald Trump, referring to his wife Melania’s speech during the Republican National Convention, which lifted several passages from an earlier speech by First Lady Michelle Obama.

2. “Listening to your speech, I look forward to hearing Mike Pence deny you ever gave it.” — Hillary Clinton, referring to the vice presidential debate, in which Republican vice presidential candidate Mike Pence repeatedly said Trump had not said certain controversial statements.

1. “Let's come together, remember what unites us, and just rip on Ted Cruz.” — Hillary Clinton, finding some common ground between herself and Trump in the form of the beleaguered Texas senator.

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