The real presidential front-runner
Dave BarryMcClatchy Newspapers
Dave Barry is running for president (yes, of the United States). He is currently leading every single poll by a wide margin, although you will read nothing about this in the so-called "mainstream" media. You can, however, find out where Dave stands on the issues by reading this Q&A, which consists of Q's submitted by actual humans (we think) followed by Dave's answers.
Dave updates this Q&A regularly, so check back often. You can also visit his official Web site. Or, you can do something productive with your life. But we don't recommend this.
Dave's blog | Dave's columns on MiamiHerald.com | MiamiHerald.com: Political Currents
Most Recently Answered Questions
Questions 156 - 175 of 2722 (Page 9 of 137)Q: Dave, If you become president can you please make Windows Vista sales illegal? Thanks, Karen
Submitted by Karen Larason from Weirdsville, Oklahoma
A: I purchased a Windows Vista computer last year, and I have to say that, despite my initial misgivings, it has almost booted all the way up.Answered 06/10/08 10:17:06 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, what sort of hazing will you subject new members of your administration to?
Submitted by Beta Beta Beta from Frat Row
A:Answered 06/10/08 10:13:54 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, with the election still months away, is it too early to be thinking about ignoring Congress?
Submitted by Karl from Austin, TX
A: Ignoring what?Answered 06/10/08 10:12:15 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, were you surprised when Big Brown pulled out of the race and threw his support to Obama?
Submitted by Willie The Shoe from Saratoga Springs, NY
A: All of the other horses issued a statement endorsing me, although of course you read nothing about this in the so-called "mainstream" media.Answered 06/09/08 10:52:02 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, I heard "My Boy Lollipop" on the radio this morning, and all day long, I've been watching Little Mille Small clips on YouTube. Do you think this is OK?
Submitted by JAD from Kansas City Mo
A: That was the first song to attempt to rhyme "lollipop" with "giddyup." The rest is history.Answered 06/09/08 10:47:01 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, do you any qualms about appearing in that skimpy little resume?
Submitted by Jacques Heim from Paris, France
A: My only concern is that it will be unable to confine the massive bulge of my qualifications.Answered 06/09/08 10:42:58 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, as a member of the Detroit Redwings, you have the opportunity to spend an entire day with the Stanley Cup. Where do you plan on spending your day with the Cup?
Submitted by Conn Smythe from Toronto, Ontario
A: We're going to visit a pawn shop.Answered 06/09/08 10:40:44 by Dave Barry
Q: "Q: Boxers or briefs? Submitted by Oscar from MYOB A: Ginger. Answered 06/06/08 08:58:58 by Dave Barry" Wasn't this, like, the FIRST question (and answer) of this whole forum? Are all the questions and answers going to be reruns now?
Submitted by Sharon Assel from Falcon, MO
A: Wait... you think I remember the answers?Answered 06/09/08 10:40:16 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, If you were a plant...better yet a flower, what kind would you be?
Submitted by JD Casteel from Alva, Ok
A: The kind of flower that women wear in their cleavage.Answered 06/09/08 10:37:51 by Dave Barry
Q: How will your presidency effect economical issues such as the War on Drugs, Immigration, and rising energy prices?
Submitted by KING from Richmond, VA
A: The instant I become president, all of these issues will cease to affect me personally.Answered 06/09/08 10:37:12 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, what do you put on your skin to feel sensual before a summit? A) Scented powder. B) Exotic oil. C) Skin lotion. D) Beer.
Submitted by Kay Why from Mustang Ranch, NV
A: Ketchup. This is one reason why I never refrigerate it.Answered 06/09/08 10:33:55 by Dave Barry
Q: Many political consultants talk about campaigns as marketing, like selling voters a commodity using slogans, slick packaging, and product placement techniques. What is the Dave Barry for President "branding" strategy?
Submitted by Lee Atwater from Rove Gulch, AZ
A: Dave Barry is not a "brand." Dave Barry is a regular human, just like you, except that Dave Barry has a Vision pf Hope and Change and can help you lose up to 50 pounds in three days without dieting.Answered 06/06/08 09:10:55 by Dave Barry
Q: Now that both the Democratic and Republican candidates have been established, are you planning to "go negative" on them? What sort of mud will your campaign sling?
Submitted by Mark Penn from Focus Group, NY
A: That is not my style. I will stick to the high road, and let my opponents deal with their own personal drug and sex and convenience-store-robbery issues.Answered 06/06/08 09:05:28 by Dave Barry
Q: If you are elected, will you guarantee that there will be no further problems with the toilet on the International Space Station?
Submitted by JR. Ewing-Lachey from Indianapolis
A: When I am president, we will move the International Space Station to someplace where it will be easier to repair, such as Connecticut.Answered 06/06/08 09:03:18 by Dave Barry
Q: Who is your best surrogate "attack dog"?
Submitted by J. Lieberman from Ferarro, NY
A: Kimbo Slice.Answered 06/06/08 09:01:16 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, as part of your august Presidential responsibilities, what are you going to name the next panda at the National Zoo?
Submitted by Ling Ling from San Diego
A: I did not have sexual relations with that panda's mother. And for the record she was totally consenting.Answered 06/06/08 09:00:19 by Dave Barry
Q: Boxers or briefs?
Submitted by Oscar from MYOB
A: Ginger.Answered 06/06/08 08:58:58 by Dave Barry
Q: Your Daveness - It looks like Hillary is hankering for a Vice-Presidential spot and B. H. Obama seems unlikely to offer her one. Is there room on your ticket for Hillary as veep? What about Bill, can he come?
Submitted by Concerned George from Paris, Texas
A: That's definitely the word on the street.Answered 06/06/08 08:57:22 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, As a presidential candidate, what is your position with regard to gay marriage?
Submitted by Mark from Santa Barbara
A: I was young, and I needed the money.Answered 06/06/08 08:56:37 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, there were a lot of problems with intelligence in the current administration. Will intelligence be a focus in your presidency?
Submitted by G. Tenet from Langley, VA
A: I don't understand the question.Answered 06/06/08 08:55:47 by Dave Barry
