The real presidential front-runner
Dave BarryMcClatchy Newspapers
Dave Barry is running for president (yes, of the United States). He is currently leading every single poll by a wide margin, although you will read nothing about this in the so-called "mainstream" media. You can, however, find out where Dave stands on the issues by reading this Q&A, which consists of Q's submitted by actual humans (we think) followed by Dave's answers.
Dave updates this Q&A regularly, so check back often. You can also visit his official Web site. Or, you can do something productive with your life. But we don't recommend this.
Dave's blog | Dave's columns on MiamiHerald.com | MiamiHerald.com: Political Currents
Most Recently Answered Questions
Questions 116 - 135 of 3092 (Page 7 of 155)Q: Dave, What policies will you have towards the Maoists? Could you possibly tell it in context of my country, Nepal?
Submitted by Runil Wazlib from Kathmandu, Nepal
A: I would first find out if the Maoists have any money, and if so, can I have it. Then I would proceed from there.Answered 10/08/08 10:29:11 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, how do you respond to the charge that you pal around with radical weathermen Willard Scott and Al Roker?
Submitted by J. Fred Muggs from Rockefeller Center
A: I was 8 years old. And I needed the money.Answered 10/08/08 10:27:54 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, great job in the second debate. I'm sure every voter who asked a question in the debate will vote for you in the election, including Tom Brokaw (you were the only candidate who didn't block his script at the end of the debate)... by the way, be sure to show up in New York for the final Presidential Debate on October 15.
Submitted by from
A: The TV morons TOTALLY cut out my accordion solo.Answered 10/08/08 10:26:05 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, when Senator McCain referred to "that one," did he mean you or some other one?
Submitted by Who's from On First
A: I believe it was his imaginary friend.Answered 10/08/08 10:24:29 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, what kind of game do you think we should change to now that game-changing is the order of the day?
Submitted by Frank Buck from Gainesville, TX
A: I'm thinking beer pong.Answered 10/08/08 10:24:05 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, I am wondering if you are planning a "shout out" to any particular group during your televised debate this evening?
Submitted by third graders everyw from Rochester, NY
A: As a signal of solidarity to my followers, I will be dropping my pants. Although to be honest I do that a lot anyway.Answered 10/07/08 08:55:25 by Dave Barry
Q: Mr. Barry, I was appalled to learn that the NHL season just started again, even though the Stanley Cup was just, like, when? Last week? Please do something to stop these kinds of scandals when you are in office!
Submitted by SmartAss from Berlin, Germany
A: This will be my highest priority.Answered 10/06/08 11:35:03 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave - Polls indicate that, despite her recent stumbling in interviews, 96% of American men over age 40 would like to sleep with Sarah Palin, preferably in the Lincoln Bedroom. What kind of response are you getting on the "I-Want-To-Sleep-With-Dave-o-Meter" these days?
Submitted by Hugh Hefner from Las Vegas, NV
A: Wait a minute: Are you asking how many American men over 40 want to sleep with me in the Lincoln Bedroom? Because I am not that kind of person, unless we are talking about major donors.Answered 10/06/08 11:27:04 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, when you are president, will you see to it that O.J. gets his stuff?
Submitted by Fred from Las Vegas, NV
A: The man has suffered enough.Answered 10/06/08 11:22:13 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, I am worried about the dress code when I vote. I am told that I may be involuntarily committed for psychiatric evaluation if I show up at the polling place wearing my "Dave Barry for President" t-shirt.
Submitted by Mad Man Muntz from York, PA
A: As well you should be.Answered 10/06/08 11:21:58 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, do you think that, by some strange coincidence, O.J. and the real killer could end up in the same prison?
Submitted by Jacques Clousseau from Paree, Fraunce
A: I would say this is a certainty.Answered 10/06/08 11:21:29 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, who will sober up Joe Six-Pack when the phone in the Oval Office rings at 3 o'clock in the morning and his advice is needed?
Submitted by John Walker from Paris, KY
A: That will be the job of Joe Cold Shower.Answered 10/06/08 11:11:52 by Dave Barry
Q: I have been in court 25-July-2008 as court order , company overwork they said can not get leave than same day I have go to see doctor sick leave for one day and two day holiday, 16-August -2008 I have get leave same day company issue letter and get office key unreasonable , than 16-August-2008 police said I did nt extension to court on 25-Jul-08 I have there for 46 days unknown back company communication confuse they dont understand labour lawn even security men it was strange .
Submitted by unknown from Hong Kong
A: This will be my highest priority.Answered 10/06/08 11:11:13 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, O.J. was convicted on the 13th anniversary of his murder acquittal, after the jury had deliberated 13 hours, after a 13 day trial for a crime that occurred on September 13. Do you think that this demonstrates conclusively that it's unlucky to hold up people at gunpoint while the whole thing is being recorded?
Submitted by Madame Zuleika from Cassadega, FL
A: It's getting so we have no rights left in this country.Answered 10/06/08 11:03:10 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, in order to help us ordinary citizens visualize a large number, savvy politicians will often lay items end-to-end and then tell us how far it goes. With this in mind, please help us to understand the concept of 700 billion dollars.
Submitted by Les W from Cedar City, UT
A: If you were to lay 700 billion dollar bills end to end, starting in Miami, you would get maybe four feet.Answered 10/06/08 11:01:59 by Dave Barry
Q: Guten Tag! Wir möchten, dass Sie zu Präsident von Deutschland. Wir glauben, dass Sie wäre eine gute Präsidentin hier. Auch, wenn Sie wollen, überall auf der Welt, wir haben die bisherigen Erfahrungen.
Submitted by Angela Merkel from Berlin
A: Fein solange ich in Tahiti wohnen kannAnswered 10/03/08 09:31:41 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, your running mate did an excellent job in the Vice Presidential debate. You definitely made the right selection for running mate... friendly reminder: your next debate with Obama and McCain will be this upcoming Tuesday (October 7) in Nashville, Tennessee, so be sure to be there. Be advised that it's a town hall debate, so your questions will be asked by normal American voters.
Submitted by from
A: If they were normal American voters, they would be home watching "Deal Or No Deal."Answered 10/03/08 09:22:56 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, I'm sick and tired of everybody trying to appeal to Joe Six-Pack.
Submitted by Joe Kegger from Milwaukee, WI
A: I am also appealing to Joe Syringe.Answered 10/03/08 09:17:33 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, my drivers license photo looks like Bea Arthur. Will I be permitted to vote under the Florida No-Match Law?
Submitted by Bill Macy from West Palm Beach, FL
A: Yes, as long as you can produce another form of ID. Or, VD. We don't really care, here in Florida.Answered 10/03/08 09:16:44 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, I attempted a personal financial "bailout" at a local convenience store, but now the TV stations are continually playing the surveillance tape on the news. What would a Wall Street banker do in my place?
Submitted by Hank (Scarface) Paul from North Miami Beach, FL
A: He would rearrange your furniture.
OK, that was supposed to be a joke about "your place," but I see by your reaction that it's not working. Never mind.
Answered 10/02/08 09:26:26 by Dave Barry
