The real presidential front-runner
Dave BarryMcClatchy Newspapers
Dave Barry is running for president (yes, of the United States). He is currently leading every single poll by a wide margin, although you will read nothing about this in the so-called "mainstream" media. You can, however, find out where Dave stands on the issues by reading this Q&A, which consists of Q's submitted by actual humans (we think) followed by Dave's answers.
Dave updates this Q&A regularly, so check back often. You can also visit his official Web site. Or, you can do something productive with your life. But we don't recommend this.
Dave's blog | Dave's columns on MiamiHerald.com | MiamiHerald.com: Political Currents
Most Recently Answered Questions
Questions 16 - 35 of 3092 (Page 2 of 155)Q: Dave, before this site shuts down, I want to take one more opportunity to remind you that you are extremely dumb and extremely ugly. And why are you mocking me for getting facelifts? You've had so many facelifts your lips are up to your forehead!
Submitted by Barry Manilow from Los Angeles, Ca
A: Notice I have the class to refrain from speculating where your lips are, or might have been.Answered 11/17/08 13:11:04 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, I've been asleep for the past 2 months and just woke up today. Did you win the Presidential election?
Submitted by Homer Simpson from Springfield, Vt
A: We're still waiting for some final returns, but: Yes.Answered 11/17/08 13:10:02 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, when will McClatchy re-open this forum for your 2012 run for President? You are running for re-election, right?
Submitted by Chris from Springville, AL
A: Duh.Answered 11/17/08 13:08:36 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave-Im curious if you could pick any 4 people in the world dead or alive to be in your presidential cabinet who would they be?
Submitted by Alex George from Columbus, Ohio
A: I would definitely go with dead.Answered 11/10/08 08:55:14 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, are the Mormons to blame for your loss? I am Mormon so it's OK to ask.
Submitted by Les Whitmore from Cedar City
A: No, I blame global warming. Although that could be caused by the Mormons.Answered 11/09/08 11:29:15 by Dave Barry
Q: Are you going to stop answering questions here, in the interest of allowing the nation to heal, and also because McClatchy has decided to pull the plug on this feature?
Submitted by Dave from Miami
A: Yes.Answered 11/07/08 12:31:56 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, who will be the tenor of your administration, and will he be altered?
Submitted by Luciano from Milan, IT
A: You're thinking of my official administration castrato, who will be Geraldo, assuming we can hit him with the tranquilizer dart.Answered 11/07/08 10:52:11 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, will you be receiving an intelligence briefing? Because you really need one!
Submitted by Barry Manilow from Hollywood, CA
A: And boy are your arms tired! Speaking of body parts: Do you get a Frequent Facelift Discount?Answered 11/07/08 10:50:46 by Dave Barry
Q: If an IT professional immigrated to the US and became an American citizen only to see his job being outsourced to his high school classmate still living in India, can he expect a bailout from the Government? What will you do as President to punish his classmate?
Submitted by Alive and kicking from Route 123, USA
A: To answer that question, I would need more information, such as: Has either of these people sent me money? How much? Etc.Answered 11/07/08 10:48:46 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, what exactly, without avoiding the question, is your policy on illegal immigration?
Submitted by citizen of mexico/re from Brownsville, TX
A: I strongly agree with pretty much everybody.Answered 11/07/08 10:47:13 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, as president-elect who has your ear, and will you be able to get it back before January 20?
Submitted by Vinnie van Gogh from Arles, FR
A: What?Answered 11/07/08 10:46:28 by Dave Barry
Q: Is it too early to label it "the failed Obama administration"? And are you accepting cash contributions for your 2012 campaign?
Submitted by Moosensquirrel from Melbourne, FL
A: Duh.Answered 11/05/08 17:25:34 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, now that the AP has "uncalled" the Minnesota senate race, how long do you figure it will take before the so-called "mainstream" media seek help for their premature election?
Submitted by C. Alice from Toms River, NJ
A: If the recount lasts longer than four hours, they should consult their physician.Answered 11/05/08 17:25:20 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, I thought that it was both generous and innovative for you to allow Barack Obama to be your co-president and handle the day-to-day duties and burdens of the office while you pursue other interests in Tahiti. Will you be spending more time with your family?
Submitted by Dude from Crawford, TX
A: My what?Answered 11/05/08 17:24:25 by Dave Barry
Q: Since I never heard you give a concession speech is it safe to assume you have NOT conceded? Never give up. The people are behind you.
Submitted by M. Ulfers from King George VA
A: This thing is not over yet. All we need is a little momentum, by which I mean cash contributions that are not reported to anybody.Answered 11/05/08 17:23:50 by Dave Barry
Q: Should we assume that you have already amassed an overwhelming lead in the electoral college because none of the so-called "mainstream" media has ever mentioned the fact?
Submitted by Bob Occam from Oxford, MS
A: Duh.Answered 11/04/08 20:25:06 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, it's finally election day. Don't forget to vote for yourself. I myself voted for you here in Massachusetts. No matter what happens, at least you've got a vote from one person in Massachusetts.
Submitted by Tom Underhill from Andover, MA
A: Which is why I am officially declaring victory there, as well as Canada.Answered 11/04/08 13:01:34 by Dave Barry
Q: After waiting on line at my polling place for three hours (and I never wait on line longer than 2 hours unless it's for the Small World ride at Disneyworld), I found that your name wasn't even listed on the ballot! Talk about dirty-tricky voter suppression! Who can I sue (for a large amount of money) over this injustice?
Submitted by Moosensquirrel from Melbourne, FL
A: Well, for starters, Microsoft.Answered 11/04/08 13:01:04 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave - it's the day before you win the election. I must make one request: within your first 10 days in office, can you please make it illegal for any football player on the opposing team to be within 10 yards of Tom Brady during a game. That dear, sweet, gorgeous hunk of a man got hurt this year and I don't think that's right. P.S. can you also make a law naming me his only caregiver...I could 'nurse' him back to health.
Submitted by Registered Voter from New England
A: Don't go cutting off anybody's feet.Answered 11/04/08 08:12:54 by Dave Barry
Q: We're "down to the wire" here... your campaign looks basically the same as when you started, that is to say, you haven't made or broken any promises to the American people, and what you have delivered is a message of hope (at least as it relates to beer and "consent".)
Submitted by Soulful of Hope from Spoonerismville, OK
A: Yes.Answered 11/04/08 08:12:28 by Dave Barry
