The real presidential front-runner
Dave BarryMcClatchy Newspapers
Dave Barry is running for president (yes, of the United States). He is currently leading every single poll by a wide margin, although you will read nothing about this in the so-called "mainstream" media. You can, however, find out where Dave stands on the issues by reading this Q&A, which consists of Q's submitted by actual humans (we think) followed by Dave's answers.
Dave updates this Q&A regularly, so check back often. You can also visit his official Web site. Or, you can do something productive with your life. But we don't recommend this.
Dave's blog | Dave's columns on MiamiHerald.com | MiamiHerald.com: Political Currents
Most Recently Answered Questions
Questions 1 - 15 of 3092 (Page 1 of 155)Q: Dave, should American reporters start wearing shoes to presidential news conferences?
Submitted by Sandhal Bergman from Hollywood, CA
A: Or at very least, pants.Answered 12/17/08 07:52:25 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, have you ever blagojeviched?
Submitted by Eliot Spitzer from Mayflower Hotel
A: Those were consenting jeviches.Answered 12/11/08 08:56:10 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, will the Lawn Rangers be marching, so to speak, in the Inaugural Parade, and can't the Secret Service do something to stop them, perhaps involving beer?
Submitted by John Deere from Springfield, Illinois
A: We will be marching untilAnswered 12/11/08 08:55:45 by Dave Barry
Q: How much would you expect to get for a Senate Seat?
Submitted by Senate Candidate 7 from Undisclosed, Illinois
A: A LOT. Even more if you're not a resident of the actual state you'll be representing.Answered 12/11/08 08:55:05 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, what are these rumors about Santa getting through the recession by selling reindeer meat?
Submitted by Virginia O'Hanl from New York, NY
A: Those were consenting reindeer.Answered 12/02/08 09:06:39 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, would it help Americans to accept the idea of spending trillions of dollars on bailouts if the US government also adopted the Swiss program of offering free heroin to everybody?
Submitted by Puna Buttah from Fern Forest, HI
A: I believe Congress already has that program.Answered 12/02/08 09:06:10 by Dave Barry
Q: Will the Franklin Mint be producing a collectible plate to commemorate your historic achievement?
Submitted by Wes from Antiques Roadshow
A: They are thinking more along the lines of a stein.Answered 12/01/08 14:56:58 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, have you had any trouble with your urine-conversion process?
Submitted by Det Rol from ISS in Orbit
A: With the beer input? Nope.Answered 11/24/08 12:20:29 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, during coverage of Election results, why did all the TV networks use the color Pink for states you won?
Submitted by from
A: Those were consenting states.Answered 11/24/08 12:20:04 by Dave Barry
Q: Do you think that Jack Bauer will be sent to rescue all of Citigroup, or possibly just that guy that looks like the late Eddie Albert with the giant red umbrella?
Submitted by Jack Elam from Hollywood, FL
A: I hope that umbrella holds many billons of taxpayer dollars.Answered 11/24/08 12:19:21 by Dave Barry
Q: One question, was Barry Manilow consenting?
Submitted by Hubert from Wouldn't You like To Know
A: Always.Answered 11/22/08 08:37:02 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, have you ever lost consciousness during a public appearance, and did the audience notice when they woke up?
Submitted by Sy Len Majoity from Tampa, FL
A: No, because they lost consciousness first.Answered 11/21/08 12:47:25 by Dave Barry
Q: And what about that other issue, the one we're not supposed to discuss?
Submitted by Chris Rushlau from Portland ME
A: That was a consenting hamster.Answered 11/17/08 13:12:25 by Dave Barry
Q: This has been an enjoyable question and answer experience. Is there any chance you could continue it in some other area of the Internet? (Damn McClatchy for cutting you off!)
Submitted by Sue from A Red State :-(
A: There are other areas on the Internet?Answered 11/17/08 13:12:07 by Dave Barry
Q: What should the Democrats in the Senate do about Joe Lieberman? What would you do?
Submitted by Patricia Chang from Indianapolis, IN
A: I would carefully weight all the options, then have somewhere between three and seven beers.Answered 11/17/08 13:11:46 by Dave Barry
