Viagra would be cheaper.
But an extravagant Christmas shopper at the Fort Lauderdale Gun and Knife Show could spend $6,000 on a Dragunov Tiger and restore an old codger's manliness.
Of course, the Tiger is only a civilian variation of the sniper rifle once issued to the Russian Ministry of Internal Security. Still, it's accurate enough to pick off eight tiny reindeer from your neighbor's roof.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, or at least plenty of Santa-sized men who came to the holiday gun show over the weekend to browse among pistols, knifes, shotguns and a startling array of pseudo-military weaponry.
The gun-obsessed like to point out that these nasty-looking guns are not technically "assault weapons," but they sure as hell look like assault weapons. The sheenless black metal semi-automatic rifles were clearly designed to exterminate human beings by the truckload.
Enough firepower was for sale at the aptly named War Memorial Auditorium to either accommodate very paranoid Christmas shoppers or to launch a second invasion of Grenada – with other necessities like body armor, swords, daggers, night scopes, laser sights and ammo clips – two for $35.
To read the complete column, visit The Miami Herald.