U.S. District Judge James Boasberg really revs up the writing engines, in a new decision involving a challenge to Department of Transportation rules allowing digital billboards.
The substance is interesting, but the writing stands out for, if nothing else, the sheer volume of driving-related references.
Check it out. The judge hits the gas from the get-go, writing that:
In 2007, the Federal Highway Administration issued a “Guidance” that paved the way for the construction of digital billboards along the nation’s highways. Plaintiff Scenic America, a group dedicated to preserving the country’s visual beauty, wants to put the brakes on that decision.
Boasberg goes on to say that "the agency recently shifted gears and gave the green light to its Division Offices," while the group Scenic America maintained the rules "collided head-on with important highway laws."
"The group cautions that the bright, moving lights on digital billboards tow a load of safety and aesthetic concerns – that they threaten to turn Route 66 into the Road to Perdition," Boasberg wrote.
And he's just getting started! Seriously, this opinion is insane! And Suits & Sentences means that as a compliment.
Boasberg says, inter alia:
the case is at a crossroad
in the passenger seat is an Intervenor
Both have filed Motions to Dismiss, throwing up roadblocks
the group is driven by mere ideological objections
the Guidance is the end of the road
The Court accordingly declines to take either exit proposed by
Defendants and Intervenor and orders that the case should speed on to its next turn
And only then, does Judge Boasberg allow that the punning is "thankfully complete," and so, errr, drives on in a straight course.
Please, this opinion should incite no carping.