Guns dont kill people: nipples do.
You could easily reach that conclusion after reading Fridays N&O.
You see, at the same time that state Sen. Stan Bring em loaded Bingham was introducing a bill to allow armed volunteers to patrol schools, two other North Carolina legislators were introducing a bill to outlaw exposed female nipples.
Let me repeat that. One legislator wants to allow armed volunteers to patrol our schools, while two others want to protect us from exposed nipples on the streets.
Its debatable whether or not Representatives Rayne Brown, R-Davidson, and Tim Moffitt, R-Asheville, have their fingers on the pulse of the people, but they have identified a problem no one outside Asheville knew existed and criminalized it.
Nipples, guys? Really?
And more guns in schools? Thats your solution?
Because were eternal optimists inclined to give elected officials the benefit of the doubt, we should try to view both of these proposals as fulfillments of party campaign pledges.
Remember how most Republicans promised that jobs would be their number one priority?
Although it may not look like it, these two pieces of legislation could prove that theyre keeping their promise.
For instance, while the proposed armed marshals patrolling school hallways would be volunteers, those guns and bullets arent going to make themselves, are they?
Why, the Colt .45 and Ruger factories could be humming around the clock to keep up with demand if the proposal to put more guns in our schools catches on nationally.
As for the bill introduced by representatives Rayne and Moffitt, somebodys got to enforce compliance. You know those leering old men who give women the heebie jeebies?
Now theyll be conscientious public servants who get to leer on the publics dime to make sure nothing is peeking through that shouldnt be.
The duos heavyhanded response cost them an opportunity to provide an economic boon to Asheville, even though former Asheville City Councilman Carl Mumpower told the Asheville newspaper: There is not a problem in our state with women running around exposing themselves.
But what if people thought it was a problem, at least in Asheville?
Chances are that the world-renowned Biltmore House would suddenly become only the citys second-biggest tourist attraction.
When I talked to Mumpower, he called the introduction of a state bill to address a local issue overkill... like using a shotgun approach in a mouse hunt.
Mumpower is no fan of public nipples he helped create the www.gobrainless.org website to combat www.gotopless.org but he is even less of a fan of big government and hypocrisy.
Im a conservative Republican and I dont like criticizing other Republicans, Mumpower told me, But were either for big government or were against it. Im taken aback by how my party talks small government, but uses big government as a trump card when it suits them. This is a perfect example.
Amen, brother. Yall join me in applauding Mumpowers candor and desire to limit governments intrusion into our lives.
Now if he could just think of a way to keep boobs with guns from intruding into our schools.