Commentary: Some songs for the holiday season

The (Tacoma) News TribuneDecember 21, 2012 

In honor of the end of 2012, here are updated lyrics to some of your favorite holiday (OK, Christmas) songs.

“GREEN CHRISTMAS”

(sung to the tune of “White Christmas”)

I’m dreaming of a green Christmas

Not like the ones I used to know

When the incense glistened,

And my friends listened

To hear sirens through the snow

I’m dreaming of a green Christmas

Although it’s still not cool to buy

But no Jenny Durkan,

No marshals lurkin’

Obama has bigger fish to fry

I’m dreaming of a green Christmas

With 5-0-2 signed into law

May we share the mellowest scene

And may all our Christmases be green

“FISCAL CLIFF”

(sung to the tune of “Silver Bells”)

See the Congress, busy Congress,

Dressed for interview shows

On the air, there’s no feeling of Christmas

Members griping

Staffers sniping

Meeting smiles with their glares

And from all the news anchors, you’ll hear

Fiscal-cliff, Fiscal-cliff

It’s showdown time in the city

Middle-class, fading-fast

Soon we’ll be over the edge

Clever slogans, faked emotions

Yet the Speaker’s still tanned

Grover Norquist calls in

All those pledges

Fear from Wall Street,

Tears from Main Street

It’s Obama’s big play

And above all the bluster you’ll hear

Fiscal-cliff, Fiscal-cliff

It’s deadline time in the city

Tax hikes here, deep cuts there

Re-cess-ion’s one week away

THE TAKER

(sung to the tune of “River” by Joni Mitchell)

It’s coming on Christmas, they’re cutting down trees

They’re putting red ribbons

On their new Mer-ce-des

I wish I had a Maker

I could skate through life with

But he don’t know me

I fall through the cracks

He says I make a lot of money

But I don’t pay no tax

I wish I had a Maker

I could skate through life with

I wish I had a Maker so white,

I could teach myself to sl

de

Oh I wish I had a Maker

I could skate through life with

I made Mitt Romney cry

He tried hard to help me

Let me ride inside the car

He had binders full of women

Said with hard work I’d go far

I wish I had a Maker

I could skate through life with

I’m so hard to handle, I’m a victim, I’m dependent

He don’t worry about me much, or the 47 percent

I wish I had a Maker

I could skate through life with

Oh I wish I had a Maker so white

I could teach myself to sl

de

Oh I wish I had a Maker

I could skate through life with

I made Mitt Romney say goodbye

It’s coming on Christmas, Inauguration’s being planned

Big donors give big dollars for covered seats up in the stands

I wish I had a river

I could skate away on

“RODNEY TOM IS COMING TO TOWN”

(sung to the tune of, oh, you know)

You’d better watch out

You’d better not blink

You’ve lost all your clout

It’s worse than you think

Rodney Tom is coming to town

He’s drawing up lists

He’s squeezing each dime

He’s looking for things,

To cut out this time

Rodney Tom is coming to town

He comes down from Medina

Don Benton’s still alive

He tells Ed Murray on the phone

“I can count to twenty-five”

So, you’d better not kvetch

You’d better not whine

He’s still got six chair-man-ships to assign

Rodney Tom is coming to town

Peter Callaghan: peter.callaghan@thenewstribune.com; blog.thenewstribune.com/politics; Twitter: @CallaghanPeter

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