In honor of the end of 2012, here are updated lyrics to some of your favorite holiday (OK, Christmas) songs.
“GREEN CHRISTMAS”
(sung to the tune of “White Christmas”)
I’m dreaming of a green Christmas
Not like the ones I used to know
When the incense glistened,
And my friends listened
To hear sirens through the snow
I’m dreaming of a green Christmas
Although it’s still not cool to buy
But no Jenny Durkan,
No marshals lurkin’
Obama has bigger fish to fry
I’m dreaming of a green Christmas
With 5-0-2 signed into law
May we share the mellowest scene
And may all our Christmases be green
“FISCAL CLIFF”
(sung to the tune of “Silver Bells”)
See the Congress, busy Congress,
Dressed for interview shows
On the air, there’s no feeling of Christmas
Members griping
Staffers sniping
Meeting smiles with their glares
And from all the news anchors, you’ll hear
Fiscal-cliff, Fiscal-cliff
It’s showdown time in the city
Middle-class, fading-fast
Soon we’ll be over the edge
Clever slogans, faked emotions
Yet the Speaker’s still tanned
Grover Norquist calls in
All those pledges
Fear from Wall Street,
Tears from Main Street
It’s Obama’s big play
And above all the bluster you’ll hear
Fiscal-cliff, Fiscal-cliff
It’s deadline time in the city
Tax hikes here, deep cuts there
Re-cess-ion’s one week away
THE TAKER
(sung to the tune of “River” by Joni Mitchell)
It’s coming on Christmas, they’re cutting down trees
They’re putting red ribbons
On their new Mer-ce-des
I wish I had a Maker
I could skate through life with
But he don’t know me
I fall through the cracks
He says I make a lot of money
But I don’t pay no tax
I wish I had a Maker
I could skate through life with
I wish I had a Maker so white,
I could teach myself to sl
de
Oh I wish I had a Maker
I could skate through life with
I made Mitt Romney cry
He tried hard to help me
Let me ride inside the car
He had binders full of women
Said with hard work I’d go far
I wish I had a Maker
I could skate through life with
I’m so hard to handle, I’m a victim, I’m dependent
He don’t worry about me much, or the 47 percent
I wish I had a Maker
I could skate through life with
Oh I wish I had a Maker so white
I could teach myself to sl
de
Oh I wish I had a Maker
I could skate through life with
I made Mitt Romney say goodbye
It’s coming on Christmas, Inauguration’s being planned
Big donors give big dollars for covered seats up in the stands
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
“RODNEY TOM IS COMING TO TOWN”
(sung to the tune of, oh, you know)
You’d better watch out
You’d better not blink
You’ve lost all your clout
It’s worse than you think
Rodney Tom is coming to town
He’s drawing up lists
He’s squeezing each dime
He’s looking for things,
To cut out this time
Rodney Tom is coming to town
He comes down from Medina
Don Benton’s still alive
He tells Ed Murray on the phone
“I can count to twenty-five”
So, you’d better not kvetch
You’d better not whine
He’s still got six chair-man-ships to assign
Rodney Tom is coming to town
Peter Callaghan: peter.callaghan@thenewstribune.com; blog.thenewstribune.com/politics; Twitter: @CallaghanPeter
