It is my pleasure to address the graduating class of 2010. I can now reveal the two secrets we've kept from you all these years:
Laundry does not self-propel to the washing machine and bathrooms do not clean themselves.
There are a few other points to keep in mind as you tumble toward adulthood:
That hamburger pictured on the menu doesn't look anything like the one youll be served. Likewise the pictures on dating sites.
Three aspirin and a cigarette no longer qualifies as breakfast.
Your average turn signal conveys more useful information than your standard tweet.
It's still a free country. Speak your mind, but mind your speak.
Never marry someone who, under different circumstances, you would never dream of going into business with.
Finding a job you really love doubles your earnings.
Multitask all you want, but when it comes to nuclear power or drilling for oil, take it one thing at a time.
Free concert offer: Take out the earplugs now and then and just listen to the birds.
Don't fear failure. It's the best teacher.
Whatever it is, it's not covered by the warranty.
A great smile trumps all physical flaws.
If you're intensely career-oriented, skip an econ course and learn golf.
To read the complete column, visit www.charlotteobserver.com.