It is my pleasure to address the graduating class of 2010. I can now reveal the two secrets we've kept from you all these years:

Laundry does not self-propel to the washing machine and bathrooms do not clean themselves.

There are a few other points to keep in mind as you tumble toward adulthood:

That hamburger pictured on the menu doesn't look anything like the one you’ll be served. Likewise the pictures on dating sites.

Three aspirin and a cigarette no longer qualifies as breakfast.

Your average turn signal conveys more useful information than your standard tweet.

It's still a free country. Speak your mind, but mind your speak.

Never marry someone who, under different circumstances, you would never dream of going into business with.

Finding a job you really love doubles your earnings.

Multitask all you want, but when it comes to nuclear power or drilling for oil, take it one thing at a time.

Free concert offer: Take out the earplugs now and then and just listen to the birds.

Don't fear failure. It's the best teacher.

Whatever it is, it's not covered by the warranty.

A great smile trumps all physical flaws.

If you're intensely career-oriented, skip an econ course and learn golf.

To read the complete column, visit www.charlotteobserver.com.